


cross your mind

by never_bloom_again



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Best Friends, Discusses sex, Friends With Benefits, Insecure Spencer Reid, Insecurity, M/M, but is not at all explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: requested: moreid angst, cross your mind by niall horan
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	cross your mind

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoy this! its super short, but anyway...
> 
> this is inspired by cross your mind. it is centred around an fwb relationship, and does briefly mention schizophrenia - nothing is detailed or explicit!

It was dumb, to have ever expected anything else. It was the stupidest decision that Spencer had made, to start a friends with benefits-esque relationship with his best friend. His mostly straight best friend. His mostly straight best friend who he had been in love with for years.

Spencer knew his feelings would never be requited, so when he got the opportunity to be with Derek in some form, he jumped at the chance, neglecting to consider the pain it would inevitably cause him.

Because it was sex. That was all it was. The only reason Derek came to him was for sex - and it wasn’t even exclusive. Spencer had seen Derek go home with gorgeous women that they met in bars, unaware of exactly how much it was killing him inside every time it happened.

Spencer also knew that he wouldn’t trade it for their friendship back, because something was better than nothing, even if every time Derek got up and left before Spencer had even finished cleaning up, he wasn’t left with broken pieces of his heart lying in tatters.

Whenever that happened, Spencer would entertain the idea of leaving, ending the cycle that was slowly ripping away at him, and would without a doubt continue to, until there was nothing left of him but his hopeless love.

It hadn’t gotten that far yet, despite the excruciating pain, and it was getting to the point where he craved the hurt. How could he not, when that hurt was all he could associate with love? Spencer had two options - grow bitter about love, because it was painful, or grow to love the hurt. Spencer chose the latter.

And so it continued, each time Derek kissed his skin, Spencer pretended it was intimate, rather than sexual. Every time Derek kissed his lips, he pretended there was a muttered “I love you” that followed it.

One day, there was, but he dismissed it. Just a figment of his imagination; maybe, and he shuddered at the concept, the onset of schizophrenia. That would explain the soft whisper he had heard better than reality could.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! let me know what you thought!


End file.
